Write Before Thinking

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How to ensure your advertising sucks.

Advertising is so easy anyone can do it. Well according to some folks it is. They usually have MBAs and play with numbers. They also have no freaking clue what they’re talking about. In celebration of their marketing genius I’ve put together the following list of sure-fire ways to produce crappy advertising.

1. Market to everyone. After all, everyone is a consumer.

2. Never mind the importance of understanding your target market. Or respecting them. Why the hell would you want to do that? Besides, knowing your consumer means research and that stuff is expensive.

3. Disregard specific objectives and strategy. Marketing is dynamic, so why paint yourself into a corner? Obviously the only objective is to increase sales and the only strategy is to create “outside of the box” and “engaging” advertising. Duh.

4. Hyper-inflate your brand’s importance. Hey, you may be marketing the biggest piece of crap to come from China in the last five years, but you know that consumers are stupid. In fact, they’re fortunate that an astute and caring company like yours is selling said piece of crap.

5. Micromanage your creative team. You may pay them to do a specific job very different than your own, but you get paid more so that means your opinions are more important. Plus you’re smarter and know what’s best for the consumer, even if they don’t. Oh yeah, you also know that your boss loves horses and her own image. And exclamation points. Lots and lots of exclamation points. And what’s important is that your gut tells you that those things work.

6. Be reactive. Why take a chance on unproven advertising when you can let others make the mistakes first? Copy Build on their successes and make them your own. Who cares if they’re not in the same category? What works for one, works for all.

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Filed under: Advertising, , , , , ,

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